'Australia’ is a disaster of blockbuster proportions

Amazing how a film stuffed with romance, action and wartime history only leads to utter frustration. More cinematic soup than epic moviemaking, director/co-writer Baz Luhrmann may claim something for every taste in his sprawling adventure “Australia” but he fails at each attempted genre.

"Australia," arguably the biggest movie of the holiday season, is also a film of missed opportunities, few laughs, insufficient romance and clumsy action. For Luhrmann, director of the wonderful musical "Moulin Rouge!" and the romantic and hip "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet," “Australia” is the type of costly, creative misstep that derails careers.

English aristocrat Lady Sarah Ashley (Nicole Kidman) travels to Australia in 1939 and partners with a horseman and cattle rancher nicknamed "The Drover" (Hugh Jackman). Together, they will work together to save the ranch she inherited from her late husband by driving her cattle to the port city of Darwin and selling the beef to the Australian Army. Standing in Ashley’s way are local cattle baron King Carney (Bryan Brown) and his assistant Neil Fletcher (David Wenham). Carney wants to buy Ashley’s ranch and will do anything to prevent her from completing her drive to Darwin.

As if “Australia” wasn’t already overflowing with borrowed themes from past movies, “Red River,” “It Happened One Night” and another bloated epic, “Pearl Harbor” come to mind, Luhrmann tosses political themes about Australia’s aboriginal people, their mistreatment at the hands of the government and a history lesson about the “stolen generation,” Aboriginal children, many of mixed race, taken from their parents and put into orphanages. All this social drama is placed on the tiny shoulders of Nullah (Brandon Walters), a young Aboriginal boy who works on Ashley’s ranch and becomes a son to her.

Walters, all smiles and good intentions, supplies the narration for “Australia,” moments of Aboriginal magic as well as Luhrmann’s most aggressive attempts at teary melodrama. As Nullah, Walters does all he’s asked to do, accepting more responsibility than any first-time actor deserves. While “Australia” failings are not his fault, he will be the film’s poster child.

As Drover, as rugged as any movie cowboy, Hugh Jackman does everything possible to salvage the movie. He's funny, bare-chest handsome and most of all keeps a straight face throughout all the over-the-top drama. In his best scene, Jackman makes a Clark Gable- inspired entrance, joining Ashley at a fancy ball. There’s a sparkle behind Jackman’s bedroom eyes; a knowing look and I wonder if he ever realized how much of a mess “Australia” would turn out to be.

Nicole Kidman is less successful as a romantic lead. Granted, she looks great in her period wardrobe and is perfectly stuffy as the English aristocrat caught off guard by Australia’s rough edges. She also shrieks well in moments of danger. Yet, when it comes time to show strength and courage, Kidman misses a beat. It’s unfortunate because Kidman brought sparkle to Luhrmann’s best movie, “Moulin Rouge!” Perhaps, Kidman’s long legs and alabaster complexion are best suited for straight comedy or straight drama. Playing a romantic heroine, an emotional character that generates tears, requires skills she’s yet to develop.

Granted, there are some good sequences in “Australia,” especially a scene where Nullah and his mother hide from the sheriff in a water tower on Ashley’s ranch. Catherine Martin’s costumes are beautiful and cinematographer Mandy Walker makes stunning use of the Australian landscape. Luhrmann, along with three other screenwriters, do a satisfactory job tying up all the loose ends by the film’s finish including the mystery behind the death of Ashley’s husband, the fate of her ranch and the fate of Nullah. Still, by the climactic Japanese bombing of the port city of Darwin, the movie has already lost its dramatic footing and emotional connection with audiences.

“Australia” sputters. In fact, once Ashley and Drover lead the cattle drive to a stretch of desert known as "Never Never Land,” the film skips a beat as if an entire sequence had been removed.

Based on his earlier films, the wonderful "Moulin Rouge!" and enjoyable "William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet," I'm convinced that Luhrmann has a version of "Australia" that's coherent and emotional much how director Michael Cimino’s cut of the period Western “Heaven’s Gate” proved to be a thousand times better than the version that made it to theaters.

It may be hard to believe that a longer version of "Australia" exists considering that the film clocks in at 2 hours and 45 minutes. But I’m convinced that it does due to its jumps in narrative and it must be better than what’s unraveling in theaters this Thanksgiving. The “Australia” coming to theaters is a mess. I hope there is a director's cut of “Australia” waiting to see the light of day.